~~OR~~

Do not read if you're related by blood and are older than me.

This means you, Momma. Stop reading now.

Why? This has to do with S.E.X. To be more specific, the toys people use. (I told you to stop reading.)

I had quite the interesting evening last night. I was invited to a sex-wares party, sorta like a Tupperware Party...and yet not. (However, many of the items *are* dishwasher-safe, so draw your own parallels) Doofus' girl invited my roommate and I, so I decided to round up the girls and go for some fun. Well, when the time came, the Princess had a cold, Double-D just *had* to go see a play, and Mary Kay had a condo association thingy...so I invited my coworkers and we trooped over to Doofus' other home.

Yes, I took my acquaintance-level coworkers to a sex party. We're more than acquaintances now! (You can't compare vibrators and not cross the line into friendship) We arrived to find that 80% of the attendees were no-shows (pesky law school) and so it became a small group crowded around the coffee table, wine in hand, as we listened to one of the best spiels I've ever heard. The lady who presented this 'surprise party' was gracious, funny, and knew her stuff. She also talked very very fast, which left some of us saying "wait, what? you do what with that?!" This woman was crazy, seeing as one of the 'tasks' she gave us was to draw a penis on the top of our head (on a piece of paper). Picasso has nothing on us! But we worked our way thru a varied and thorough list of aids and toys with silly names, such as Tub of Love, China Shrink Cream, Surprisingly Yours, Nipple Nibblers (considered to be a great lip balm as well), Dirty Dice, and Magic Carpet (for him, while Cloud Nine is for her). And if we got bored thru the presentation, there was more wine and a penis-pen-cap to nibble on.

However, the part of the show that drew the most attention was when the buzzing began. Things for men, things for women, things for sharing...you name it, we saw it, touched it, compared it, and at times threw them across the room. At this point, everybody was loosened up enough (thanks to the judicious application of wine) to really start talking, and we started learning all sorts of things about each other. I mean, honestly--you're discussing the glow-in-the-dark vibrator and contemplating using it like a light saber while the person next to you is debating whether the King Tut really looks like King Tut or more the Sphinx--nothing's sacred anymore. The Joy Stick? Surprise Kiss? (I think Gene Simmons is collecting royalties somehow, but I'm not sure which.) We rated them all. And of course, everyone perked up when the Wascally Wabbit appeared, since it was endorsed by Sex in the City. We finished with some lingerie (but the fun stuff was in catalogs) and then the ordering began--in secret, of course.

Everybody left with a big brown paper bag, purchases disguised. We scattered to our respective homes and giggled like schoolgirls when we saw each other this morning at work.

No, you can't ask what I bought. I *will* tell you I bought some Lickum Stickums, edible tattoos that make me laugh really really hard every time I look at them. And get this--these are 'sold as a novelty item only. Tattoo will disolve (sic) in water or excessive moisture.' Well, yeah. If they're meant to LICK OFF, you'd think moisture might dissolve them.

I think this is a hillarious premise for a party. Everything's been done before--Tupperware, candles, beauty products...but this? This is perfect for all those people who don't have the desire to walk into an 'adult' store and have to ask 'just what are those beads on the string for?' So if you have a chance, attend one of these. They're funny, harmless, and a good laugh with the girls. (They have 'em for the guys now too, so don't be shy! Gather the boys and have a show!)

~~~~

Ok. a bit random: does anybody know why there were 14 or 16 (trailered) Police horses on upper Wacker today around 4:30p? The police officers were all in their Suburbans, but it was just odd to see so many lined up like that. I don't know if they're practicing for the rowdy crowd come Saturday's Lighting of the Mag Mile or what, but... I have to say, I don't have any desire to become part of the law enforcement community, but if I could ride a bike all summer and a horse all fall/spring, I think I'd manage just fine.

~~~~

A big shout-out and 'get well' to my girl the Princess, who made it through her (amazing) house-warming party and promptly fell ill. Honey, you looked great in those leather pants, even if you couldn't sit all night.

All right. Tomorrow: why I hate IM.