Well, not so much. But now there's more tree between me and the trunk and stand... I keep trying to get it to stop flopping over and there's nothing I can do. After a quick consultation with Dad which tells me NOTHING I want to hear, I put on crappy clothes and get ready for some serious surgery. I'm supposed to take off the bottom layer of branches to get the stump flush with the bottom of the stand (which is currently is not) and there's a problem with this solution--I've already poured water into the stand for the tree so the sap won't harden. So now I have a 7-foot pine tree that needs to be removed from the tree stand without spilling a quart of water on my hard-wood floor.

You can see where this is going, right? The Marx Brothers could take some lessons from the next 40 minutes of my evening.

1. Try to remove tree from stand by lifting it straight up. Belately remember that we had to wedge it onto the trunk the first time.
2. In an attempt to minimize water damage, get big tupperware bowl and plan to pour water from tree stand *into* bowl as I tip it over.
3. Try, try, try again as I wrestle a recalcatraint tree, a bowl, a tree stand, and towels--as I can't see ANY of them due to the tree's skirt.
4. Pour at least half the water into the bowl, and the other half onto the floor. (oh well, 50% is still better than nothing)
5. Mop up the floor while cursing the tree, the holiday, and MLB for thinking his ant problem was more important than helping me with my tree.
6. Cut off the entire trunk above the first layer of branches. Belatedly remember that I had wanted that done at the nursery where I got the tree but had forgotten to tell them that.
7. Kick the tree a few times for good measure, slap the tree stand on the new trunk, and get it upright. Work on the screws. Strain both thumbs and tweak some tendons I didn't know I had as I try to hold the tree upright and get it secured. Pull something in my back as the tree almost goes over and I stupidly try to stop it.
8. Curse. Fluently.
9. Put water in bowl, but realize that there's a definate lean going on...away from the wall. Notice that 2 of the stand's legs aren't actually touching the ground.
10. Unscrew tree from stand. Rotate tree, try to get it upright, and repeat #7, only now with water hazard.
11. Add lights.
12. Sit down.
13. Curse the holiday some more and yell at the cat for trying to eat both the tree and the lights on the tree. (I really don't need a National Lampoon's Christmas.)
14. Go downstairs, use lacquer thinner to get all the sap off (oh god, the sap. that's a damn sappy tree), and dully note that it's taking my nail polish off, as well as the first layer of skin on my fingers.