I am fed up.

After years of agreeing with the boys about who was hot (Cameron, Lucy, Drew) and not (Cameron, Lucy, Drew), it's time to wade into the primordial cesspool that is Love & Lust, and admit to my list of men who are all that and a bag of chips...

The HSP List, aka Hot Sex on a Platter (tm Sass)

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Last week, a book group member was horribly disappointed to find that the infamous Wall of Hot (or Hall of Hot as it became known) was no more. Last year, Das Alpenhaus was home to a plethora of handsome gents that made the 2-minute toothbrush rule feel like 10 seconds. We found our men in fashion mags and entertainment rags, and accepted any and all donated additions. But alas, when the split was final the HOH was a painful casualty. (Imagine my joy and suprise at finding the Ladies at Hogs & Honeys to be the HOH in 360!) Not only our HOH, it showcased highlights of the Secret Boyfriend List residing on the fridge.

The Secret Boyfriend List was, quite simply, the list of men we had as our secret boyfriends. Age and sexual orientation never entered our minds (or hearts), but they had to be among the living (hence the lack of Elvis). Honorees included: Sting, Craig Kilborn, Pierce Brosnan, Lenny Kravitz, Vin Diesel, Tom Welling, David Hyde Pierce, Rupert Everett, Hugh Jackman, and David Duchovny.

Since all of this died with the loss of Das Alpenhaus, I've recently revived the trend and have limited myself to just the men I luuuuuuuuuurve. Simply, the HSP, in no particular order:

~~Michael Vartan~~Sweet Jebus. This Frenchman has taken brow-furrowing to new erotic heights. I could just spend hours watching him...oh wait. I do. More men should wear suits, tailored suits, be quietly intense, and codenamed Boyscout. He's always prepared. I'd say more, but it's hard to translate guh ::wibble:: into something articulate.

~~Brad Pitt~~wait a minute. He's THIRTY-NINE? When did that happen?! Oh well... I can't help it. Consider it my one acquiesence to girly goo. Fight Club? Ocean's Eleven? Snatch? A River Runs Thru It? He's just so damn...hot. My movie-viewing has been Pitt-heavy lately, which does skew my view. Hmmm. Birthday suit or 3-piece suit, he works hard for his money and I'll pony up my $9.50 with the rest of the 'em.

~~Colin Farrell~~Hollywood's newest It-boy, they're about 3 years behind. (Tigerland. Check it out.) Hot dayamn, and only 26--imagine how much better he'll be when aged to perfection! That boy exudes sex and really doesn't have to do much more than smoulder onscreen. Or off, or next to me naked...but you get the idea. Everybody wants him. Well they should. The Recruit (reviewed later this week) will convince you, once and for all, that he IS HSP. Oh, and by the way: those arms are real. Oh yes they are. Every chiseled muscle, front and back.

~~Pierce Brosnan~~What? Just because I love the Irish lads (who could read me the phone book and I'm finished) does NOT mean I have a thing for 'em. I love Sean Connery too...oh, wait. Well, he *is* Scottish. Back to the point. The point is...Pierce Brosnan. Hot. Sexy. Questions? I direct you to any scene of his in The Thomas Crown Affair. Or perhaps a James Bond movie. He owns 'em. All. He's so suave and hot and delicious and... (Georgette, got an adjective you'd like to throw in here?)

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I need a cold stiff drink. I can't keep talking about all these hotties...and I haven't even begun with the second set of gents. Let's just leave it at luuuuuuuuuurve and move on, shall we?