A couple of tips if you decide to attempt this yourself:
~~make sure to do whatever you need to before you commence eating, including using the restroom and going to the salad bar
~~pace yourself--there's no shame in flipping the disk to red when your plate is full
~~those bananas are great for dessert, but don't make it a point to save room--it's only a banana, no matter how tasty
~~save a little salad/artichoke hearts/garlic potatoes for a breather course
~~and most importantly, don't wear anything binding. Constriction is BAD. You're going to look (but not necessarily *feel*) like Paul Newman after his 100 eggs by the end of the evening.

It was worth every penny.

~~~~~

For your viewing pleasure~~

**To escape the heat, I saw T3 and wondered if Bruckheimer did it. Because really? They did not need to blow *that* much stuff up. Seriously. Mass distruction and a healthy disrespect for life/humanity? We. Get. It. Total popcorn movie. Actually, it was a Goober movie, but that's just a personal preference. Eat what you will.

**Both Tears of the Sun and The Hours should not be watched together. Not only do they have nothing in common, but when you're throwing pillows at the screen and hoping that Monica Belluci will get shot RIGHT NOW, you know it ain't good. Trust me--stay away. (The Hours? Meh. I can see why it was a big deal, but watch Far From Heaven to see Julianne Moore knock your socks off in the Fifties.)

**To the manor you are born...the best reality show on TV right now. Bar none. The Manor House is PBS's version of reality TV, and it's absolutely fascinating. Everyone volunteered for the project, and it's so cool. And funny. And a wee bit depressing, actually. But the head footman? HOTTIE. And remember, on PBS--nudity is de rigeur. It's rebroadcasting right now on PBS affiliates. Check it out.

**If you get the History channel, you need to start watching Mail Call. It's all about military weapons and such, but it's so much fun; the host is the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, and all he does is treat the viewer like they're his to whip into shape. It's the only time I've heard 'maggot' used as an endearment, and I now know all about the difference between a flintlock and a matchlock rifle, as well as why self-propelled artillery isn't pefect. It's my kind of show--learning about things I have absolutely NO idea about.

**Bond. James Bond. Who doesn't love 007? TNN/Spike/Whatever is showing all the Bond movies, in order, one each evening. Tonight is Goldfinger. I'd check 'em out if I were you. (Once you leave the golden age of Connery, it's a long wait for Brosnan.)

**Stripperella. Still funny. Still watchable. Go.

**Monster Garage wasn't content just doing work in the garage; it's now moved into the rest of the house. In fact, they're now redoing the entire place. It's frightening and fascinating all at once. It's Trading Spaces, but for boys. And infinately more appealing. My favorite: the Seventies House. That took *faith*, people.

~~~~~

Last but not least, I'm here to inform you that there is finally proof that yes, sex kills. Well, spiders at least.