1. Read this review by Achy Obejas about The Machinist, starring Christian Bale in the best performance of his weird little life.

2. Add snarky commentary: Such fascinating use of a theramin, fascinating use of an animated corpse, fascinating use of lye...oh, wait. We've seen that before (hello, Tyler Durden) and that helps explain everything. If a character uses lye in any form for any reason, assume that there's insomnia and wacky dual-personality hijinks to ensue, culminating in creative destruction and a return to single personality. Jennifer Jason Leigh continues to speak funny, and I continue to love her funny little speaking. The alter-ego (oh, please, I'm not spoilering anybody who's ever seen an arthouse movie about a paranoid insomniac) is just damn freaky--Ivan's fat bald head has these weird lips and teeth that he uses to, well, look like a pig and freak me out. And when you see this picture of Bale and then compare it to the movie...

::shudder::

Bale's a perfect study in human skeletal anatomy. Media's making a big deal about the 60 pounds he dropped. Well, these are 40 pounds he can't afford, basically. Let's compare him with Calista Flockhart or Rene Skeletor (remember Chicago? Ugh) and see who's sacrificing for the craft vs. Hollywood, hmm?

As MLB commented as we left the theater at 1:30a (yes, it was an 11p preview--when else to watch a movie about insomniacs?), Bale's character only made left turns (in his truck) until he figured out the right thing to do...then he promptly turned right.

Seriously, this is what we told the comment-taker collecting quotes outside the theater. "He only turned left until he did right." tm MLB, and don't you forget it.

3. Add some snark regarding the crew: The director did some episodes of The Wire and The Shield (he must have a thing for shiny bald heads) and was also a performer in "Fosse". I wonder if he danced? Also responsible: a bunch of Spanish people who created and backed a fascinating film that happened to star famous people.

God, I love Europe's additions to the cinematic canon.