First up is the main event, the Demolition Derby. Unlike some misconceptions, there are no monster trucks jumping cars, nor explosions, nor fireworks. Instead, 11 cars (and I use that term loosely) enter, ram the hell out of each other, and the 2 cars that can still move at the end are considered victorious. After 6 heats, those 12 drivers face off in the final. No, they don't use the beat-up cars; they have a spare car along for the fun. Here, it's on the racetrack in front of the grandstand. They made it really muddy so the highest speed is pretty slow...at least in the beginning! It basically looks like small children playing with cars, only it's adults who are behind the wheel. Again, I use the term 'adult' loosely.

There were other rides, like the Tilt-a-Whirl with my dad (the first ride I ever went on, and it will always be *the* daddy-daughter event as long as he can stand it), the ride that was the Tilt-a-Whirl in 3D (put the entire thing on a pendulum, so you're spinning around both horizontally and vertically--wheeeeeeeee!), the classic gondola, and the very large Ferris Wheel. While unable to partake in round one of the rides, after drugging himself thoroughly MLB could get on the Turbo Force (explain that?!) Instead of the rides, he recieved a comprehensive tour of the Fair in 45 minutes, compliments of my mom. If anybody could give a concise and quality tour, it's her!

There was food galore; BBQ chicken from Fay's (this year acorns were dropping on our heads in whimsical charm), lemon shake-ups from the Open Door (don't drink the other swill at the carts), Pronto Pups (these are the *real* corn dogs, accept no substitutes. trust me. I've done an exhaustive comparative study for 20 years), Buffalo Chips (frozen homemade ice cream sandwiches in baggies, which means it won't drip down your arm in 90+ heat), but I never made it to the others, since I really can't eat 5 days' worth of fair food in 8 hours. I had to sacrifice the fresh-cut french fries, real root beer float, tempura, roasted almonds, the rest of the lemon shake-ups (limited to one this year due to time and stomach constraints), and the Pizza Logs (hey, I don't name 'em, I just eat 'em).

You'll notice that there are none of the traditional 'fair foods' listed; I don't like elephant ears or funnel cakes or cotton candy or caramel apples or any of the other myriad foods based in oil and sugar. But I *did* have to skip the gator on a stick AGAIN this year, which annoyed me...I've been trying to get one for 3 years now and they're always 'not ready' when I'm walking past. How the hell can I try one of these 'tasty new treats' if I'm thwarted?